Fate vs. Destiny

Do you believe in fate or destiny?

I was asked this question recently, and it made me think. What is the difference? Don't they mean practically the same thing? Can't you believe both at the same time?

Fate:
a. The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.
b. The inevitable events predestined by this force.
c. A final result or consequence; an outcome.
d. Unfavorable destiny; doom.

Destiny:
a. The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.
b. A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control.
c. The power or agency thought to predetermine events.

Destiny and fate, by dictionary, are not much different. But what they mean to most people are two separate things completely.

Destiny is what we want to achieve in our life. It is our purpose on the earth - that when we're at the end of our life, we want to look back and be happy with it. Fate is the nudge in the right direction. It's something that comes from whatever higher power you believe in, something showing us where to go.

"Destiny is something we choose to go after.... Fate is something that happens to us, and seemingly takes away our choices, but in fact actually leads us back towards the choice of Destiny we already made before we were born." (http://www.orderofthewhitelion.com/karma@/fate.destiny.html)

Fate and Destiny have a big part in love, as well.

When you're looking for love, fate brings you together with people. You have to determine whether it's the right person or not. And even if it's not, it's important that you experience that time with them and learn your lessons and experiences from them, because it will help you in the long run. Every person you're with in your lifetime helps you to become that person that you will be in the future -- and every step in the right direction brings you closer to that one person that you'll spend forever with.

If your destiny is to be with someone that is genuinely perfect for you, then fate will bring you together with that person, and your destiny will be fulfilled.

"People often meet their destiny on the road they take to avoid it" - French Proverb

The hardest thing about fulfilling these things - going through the steps to get to where you want to go - is just that. Sometimes the decisions you make will take you further away from where you want to go. Sometimes you won't make the right decisions.

But, what I believe is that everything happens for a reason, as I'm sure I've voiced many times in my blog, and that even if you make a stupid decision, or things don't go quite as you've wanted them to, things will all work out in the end. As long as you know where you want to go, and what you've got to do, a little bump in the road or a little scratch along the way never hurt anyone - that much!!

My piece of advice for the day: If you know exactly what you want your life to be, and you know what your destiny is - let fate take you on little side paths, and detours. Don't be afraid of making mistakes along the way, because it's all part of the plan. And let life take you along the journey that it is. Enjoy the ride. Don't let something small upset you. Don't waste your worry.

Live, laugh, and love.

There is no point crying over spilt milk...

Why is love so painful at times? And other times, it's like floating on a cloud - it's that comfortable and blissful?

Pain is inevitable when you love. Somehow, someway, either one of you will get hurt. This is the dark side of love. If you love someone enough, there are lots of ways they can hurt you; if they say something mean or offensive, if they do something that you feel is wrong, if they don't love you back... that is the worst kind of hurt in the world. Pain comes with the warning (although, it's not stamped on the foreheads of the ones you'll love), that you might get hurt in the process. There's always some sort of "catch", isn't there?

In my eyes, pain in a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, sometimes, you just want to cry because you're so upset. Sometimes, it's going to be a terrible, horrible thing. You'll want someone else to feel the pain you feel - and you'll want to find ways to transfer that anger, hurt, and emotion somewhere else, so it doesn't roam your mind and body. No problem - everyone feels that way - just be careful how you do it. You'll feel pain, and you'll be hurt.

But listen to this:

“Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.”

Of course, all the things that you do in life will add up to become experiences. And all the pain you go through in life, all of it will be worth it. You'll have learned so many lessons that helped you through other tribulations in your lifetime. You'll be wiser, and more brave. And you'll feel brave too.

Another way to look at the pain in love - a different perspective for the different mind:

“The pain associated with relationships has more to do with fear, than love.”

According to Selfcreation.com, "When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the "add-ons" of love."

"Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.

If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel."

This may be completely off topic: but, I feel like it's something that should be brought up. Something very important about love. This is a little side-story of personal experience.

In my last serious relationship, I was young and I was naiive. And I was also scared of what people thought of me. I think I was too worried that people wouldn't like me for who I really was. So, I was never fully -myself- around my (at the time) boyfriend. It didn't work out, which is not surprising. We didn't mesh well together. Although we were both hurt badly multiple times in the relationship, now I am stronger, and braver, and I learned a lot of experiences from it. I hope he did too.

Later on down the road, I got into another serious relationship - this time knowing all along that the last time, I wasn't fully myself. So, I promised myself that I would be -completely- me for him, and see how it worked out. I was definitely more confident, more brave, and it didn't matter to me if he thought I was a weirdo, because I knew that that's who I am, and I wanted him to like me, for me. Kind of a funny story.

The point to all this was to put out there - and to conclude my blog for the day - and to quote from above: "If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together."

Yet again. The pain you feel, it will all be worth it in the end. And those relationships where pain keeps coming back: perhaps it's not such a good idea to stick around. If you're not being yourself around your significant other, then you -will- get hurt.

There's no point crying over spilt milk. The mistakes you've made in your life, the pain you've felt - it's all for a bigger cause: experience. And once you finally realize that it wasn't all for nothing, you'll be braver, and more confident, and all the wiser. It'll all be a laugh later on down the road.

The risk in love

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

I want to talk about the risk in love, today. I feel like people are scared of love because they are scared to risk their life -- to put their heart in the hands of others, to do as they please.

I can understand why. I understand completely. People are scared of getting hurt.

This is the same argument that most people have in life. They're lonely, and want a relationship, or they are in a relationship, and are still just as lonely. People hesitate to risk talking to the one they love, they procrastinate because they are scared of the other person's reaction, or they are nervous of what the other person will do or say.

But this is the risk in love. You will never have love without risking something.

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” ~H. Zunin

Mostly, in love, you will risk getting hurt. You will love someone in your lifetime, and they will not love you back. Or you'll love someone, and they will break your heart. This is inevitable. You will always have to risk getting hurt, unless you want to live a loveless life. And that, in my opinion, is not a life at all.

Something else I want to bring up -- love is a risk, and if you are scared of the risk, think of it this way. If you get hurt, think of it as a learning experience. Think of it as a lesson, so you can move on, and learn to never make that mistake twice. You can learn to weed out the mistakes you made in the relationship, or the other person made, and the next time around, you know what to avoid. One of my favorite quotes is: "It's not a lie if you believe it. And it's not a mistake if you repeat it."

Love isn't only about risking getting hurt, either. It's about risking other things, too. For example, risking taking a chance on love; risking living far apart; risking living together; risking saying something you have never said before, or doing something you've always wanted to do. Love is all about risk. It is the most risky thing in life.

And yet, without love, what is there in life?

The Risk of Love

There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Sidestepping the things they can not understand
Turning away from those who care too much-
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love
You cannot approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.

It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.
Love is the greatest of all risks.

It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciful.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.

But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.
The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.
But, it is in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.

Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.
Love is surrender without a loss.
It is a gift without the cost.
It consumes your every thought and desire,
Every breath you take.
It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;
It urges you, instead, to live.

No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart and soul
And leave you only memories of forever.
Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...

For in all of life,
Love is truly the only risk worth taking.

- Kris Hydmore

<3 <3

You are loved.

Is it just me, or is "I love you" one of the most terrifying phrases to most people in today's society? It seems like it's one of the hardest things for people to say (other than, of course, "I'm sorry", but that's for another topic), so they just don't say it. Or, they take their god damn time getting the guts to say it.

In my opinion, "I love you" shouldn't be scary. It should be something easy and something people should say often. It brings smiles and joy and happiness to the world. It shouldn't be kept from us! It should be shared with everyone!!

In my experience, every boyfriend I've ever had has been terrified to say "I love you". They've waited so long to say it (actually, like six months into the relationship) that I've said it first. And if I haven't actually -said- it, then I've hinted at it and they already know. Is this a bad thing? If you look at both sides of the story, yes and no. No, because then they know exactly how you feel about them. Yes, because then you've defeated the purpose. If your "significant other" is prideful, or vice versa, then they want to be the one to say it first, if at all. If you've said it first, then it gives them leeway to say it; it makes it easier for them. Okay, okay. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. But, they need to stop being cowards, and just say the damn words! It's not that hard.

Some people will argue: you have to say it at the right time. Of course you do! But, isn't there plenty of opportunities that would have been -perfect- to say it? Yes. There were so many you can't count. But, what if you say it, and the other person doesn't say it back? So what???? If they don't say it back, it just means that they either don't feel the same way or they're not ready to say it! I know, it might be a little embarrassing, but you can deal with that. If they know how you feel about them, then it shouldn't be embarrassing. You shouldn't be ashamed to feel something for someone, especially if it's genuine love!!

Another argument. And this is one that I've just recently discovered:

You know exactly how you feel about someone within a few weeks of knowing them.

Okay, a lot of people might argue that this is wrong, too. But I've felt it. Sometimes, it takes longer than others. But, within four to six weeks, you know whether you absolutely hate someone, or you could possibly love them for the rest of your life. Is this not true? Come on, you have to agree with me here.

All I'm saying is: don't be afraid to say it. No one should be afraid to say something so amazing. It shouldn't be something that makes the other person run away. It shouldn't be something that should be hidden from anyone. It is life's joy, the best little moments, that are spent with those that love you - and those that you love. We shouldn't smother feelings that are good for everyone's health.

You are loved.
Everyone is loved.
You just have to go out and say it.
And maybe they'll say it back, too.

Please don't promise me forever...

I want us to love each other one day at a time
and string all those days together like the precious things they are
instead of trying too hard and promising too much.

Please don't expect me
to always be good and kind and loving.
There will be times when I will be cold
and thoughtless
and hard to understand.
But it will only be because of the weather
or the flu
or one of my moods
not because I love you less.
Please remember that.

Please don't think about all the things
that could happen to us.
Don't think about other people
coming between us.
Don't think about outgrowing
each other or growing out of love.

Please do think about all the good things
that could happen to us.
Think of growing closer to each other,
finding new reasons for being together
and think of loving.
I will, too.
I am right now.

Please don't get mad at me
if I forget your birthday
or some special day we share
and please remember
that there is an "everydayness"
about what we have
that is beyond birthdays
and anniversaries.
That's why sometimes,
I may not remember one special day
because all our days are special
to me.

Please don't ever
sign a letter "as ever"

Please don't be too easy on me
or expect me to be too easy on you.
Both of us have room to grow,
and both of us have to grow
if we want to hold each other's love.

Please don't ever give me
too much of yourself
or take too much of me.
In our togetherness
we still need our private places.

Please listen to me
when I'm talking to you
and please
don't ever think about someone else
when I kiss you.

Please don't start an argument
or make me look foolish
in front of other people
but when we're alone
don't feel like you're walking on eggs.
Go ahead and say what you think.
If I need telling off
tell me off.
Then we can have our fight
and make up
and love again.
Just us.

Please remember
to call me sometimes
for no reason
except that you feel me thinking
about you,
needing your voice.

Please don't ever lose
that laugh of yours -
it's such a real laugh.
And never change the way
you brush the hair back from my eyes
and smile
when I'm trying to be very serious
or the little odd ways you have
of saying things that make you "you",
one of a kind,
the one I love.

Please
let's not use politeness
and busyness and silence
to avoid our problems
and the places where we hurt.
If something is wrong
let's go after it and make it right.

It's a good feeling
to think of growing older with you,
but, please,
let's not ever grow old.

I want us to always hang on
to the newness
that we have right now.
And let's never be ashamed
of our innocence
of the child within us.
Let's never give up our dreams.

Please don't try to keep it from me
when you're feeling down.
I'll never be able to share your joy
if you try to protect me
from your sadness.

Please
don't ever say never
and please
don't promise me forever.
All I ask
is that you love me
now.

And please know
that I love you more
today
than I ever have before.
I can't promise you forever,
but I can promise you today
with the hope and belief
that there is a beautiful tomorrow
in store for us.

<3 <3

What is love?

"Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is."

So, the question remains. What is love? How do we describe the depths of our hearts in such a meaningful and descriptive way? How do we define the one word that confuses us all?

Paramahansa Yogananda: "To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love."

Love can be defined in many ways. Let's see if any of them come close to the heart:

- a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
- any object of warm affection or devotion
- have a great affection or liking for
- beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
- get pleasure from
- a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction
- be enamored or in love with
- sleep together: have sexual intercourse with
- sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people

I have to admit. They describe the general meaning of love. But they don't get down to the core - the actuality of love. What it really means to people. Love has been the one question that has been unanswered throughout life. Yet it is the reason most of us live, breathe, and die. It is the reason for happiness and sadness. And no one has been able to define it in true, meaningful words.

So what is love -- real, lasting love?

<< Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect. (http://www.love-sessions.com/whatislove.htm) >>

Logic says everything in this world has a cause and an effect. True Love is the only feeling which is its own cause and its own effect. It is something illogical and yet above all logic. I Love her because I Love her, and I Love her so I Love her. - Prateek Kumar Singh

I believe that love itself is a universal experience. Yet, every individual occurrence seems absolutely unique. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently.

So, in turn, everyone describes and feels and experiences love differently. How do we define something so unique, so special to each and every person? Songs, poems, stories, quotes. People express love in many different ways. And every person is touched in different ways by the feelings portrayed in these actions.

I guess what I'm trying to say - what I'm trying to point out to everyone - is that love cannot be defined. It will never be defined to it's full potential. A definition will never do it the glory it deserves. You have to feel it, experience it, and express it in a way that you understand what it means to you. Love must be experienced. Its meaning is infinite and can never be totally defined.

Love has no meaning other than the meaning "we" give it.

Feel it in your heart. Pump it through your veins. Remember love. It's the one thing that gets me through the day. That may be the case for you, too.

be opened by life's betrayals, or be shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself
if you can beat the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul
if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy

I want to know if you can see beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.