The risk in love

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

I want to talk about the risk in love, today. I feel like people are scared of love because they are scared to risk their life -- to put their heart in the hands of others, to do as they please.

I can understand why. I understand completely. People are scared of getting hurt.

This is the same argument that most people have in life. They're lonely, and want a relationship, or they are in a relationship, and are still just as lonely. People hesitate to risk talking to the one they love, they procrastinate because they are scared of the other person's reaction, or they are nervous of what the other person will do or say.

But this is the risk in love. You will never have love without risking something.

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” ~H. Zunin

Mostly, in love, you will risk getting hurt. You will love someone in your lifetime, and they will not love you back. Or you'll love someone, and they will break your heart. This is inevitable. You will always have to risk getting hurt, unless you want to live a loveless life. And that, in my opinion, is not a life at all.

Something else I want to bring up -- love is a risk, and if you are scared of the risk, think of it this way. If you get hurt, think of it as a learning experience. Think of it as a lesson, so you can move on, and learn to never make that mistake twice. You can learn to weed out the mistakes you made in the relationship, or the other person made, and the next time around, you know what to avoid. One of my favorite quotes is: "It's not a lie if you believe it. And it's not a mistake if you repeat it."

Love isn't only about risking getting hurt, either. It's about risking other things, too. For example, risking taking a chance on love; risking living far apart; risking living together; risking saying something you have never said before, or doing something you've always wanted to do. Love is all about risk. It is the most risky thing in life.

And yet, without love, what is there in life?

The Risk of Love

There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Sidestepping the things they can not understand
Turning away from those who care too much-
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love
You cannot approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.

It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.
Love is the greatest of all risks.

It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciful.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.

But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.
The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.
But, it is in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.

Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.
Love is surrender without a loss.
It is a gift without the cost.
It consumes your every thought and desire,
Every breath you take.
It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;
It urges you, instead, to live.

No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart and soul
And leave you only memories of forever.
Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...

For in all of life,
Love is truly the only risk worth taking.

- Kris Hydmore

<3 <3

You are loved.

Is it just me, or is "I love you" one of the most terrifying phrases to most people in today's society? It seems like it's one of the hardest things for people to say (other than, of course, "I'm sorry", but that's for another topic), so they just don't say it. Or, they take their god damn time getting the guts to say it.

In my opinion, "I love you" shouldn't be scary. It should be something easy and something people should say often. It brings smiles and joy and happiness to the world. It shouldn't be kept from us! It should be shared with everyone!!

In my experience, every boyfriend I've ever had has been terrified to say "I love you". They've waited so long to say it (actually, like six months into the relationship) that I've said it first. And if I haven't actually -said- it, then I've hinted at it and they already know. Is this a bad thing? If you look at both sides of the story, yes and no. No, because then they know exactly how you feel about them. Yes, because then you've defeated the purpose. If your "significant other" is prideful, or vice versa, then they want to be the one to say it first, if at all. If you've said it first, then it gives them leeway to say it; it makes it easier for them. Okay, okay. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. But, they need to stop being cowards, and just say the damn words! It's not that hard.

Some people will argue: you have to say it at the right time. Of course you do! But, isn't there plenty of opportunities that would have been -perfect- to say it? Yes. There were so many you can't count. But, what if you say it, and the other person doesn't say it back? So what???? If they don't say it back, it just means that they either don't feel the same way or they're not ready to say it! I know, it might be a little embarrassing, but you can deal with that. If they know how you feel about them, then it shouldn't be embarrassing. You shouldn't be ashamed to feel something for someone, especially if it's genuine love!!

Another argument. And this is one that I've just recently discovered:

You know exactly how you feel about someone within a few weeks of knowing them.

Okay, a lot of people might argue that this is wrong, too. But I've felt it. Sometimes, it takes longer than others. But, within four to six weeks, you know whether you absolutely hate someone, or you could possibly love them for the rest of your life. Is this not true? Come on, you have to agree with me here.

All I'm saying is: don't be afraid to say it. No one should be afraid to say something so amazing. It shouldn't be something that makes the other person run away. It shouldn't be something that should be hidden from anyone. It is life's joy, the best little moments, that are spent with those that love you - and those that you love. We shouldn't smother feelings that are good for everyone's health.

You are loved.
Everyone is loved.
You just have to go out and say it.
And maybe they'll say it back, too.

Please don't promise me forever...

I want us to love each other one day at a time
and string all those days together like the precious things they are
instead of trying too hard and promising too much.

Please don't expect me
to always be good and kind and loving.
There will be times when I will be cold
and thoughtless
and hard to understand.
But it will only be because of the weather
or the flu
or one of my moods
not because I love you less.
Please remember that.

Please don't think about all the things
that could happen to us.
Don't think about other people
coming between us.
Don't think about outgrowing
each other or growing out of love.

Please do think about all the good things
that could happen to us.
Think of growing closer to each other,
finding new reasons for being together
and think of loving.
I will, too.
I am right now.

Please don't get mad at me
if I forget your birthday
or some special day we share
and please remember
that there is an "everydayness"
about what we have
that is beyond birthdays
and anniversaries.
That's why sometimes,
I may not remember one special day
because all our days are special
to me.

Please don't ever
sign a letter "as ever"

Please don't be too easy on me
or expect me to be too easy on you.
Both of us have room to grow,
and both of us have to grow
if we want to hold each other's love.

Please don't ever give me
too much of yourself
or take too much of me.
In our togetherness
we still need our private places.

Please listen to me
when I'm talking to you
and please
don't ever think about someone else
when I kiss you.

Please don't start an argument
or make me look foolish
in front of other people
but when we're alone
don't feel like you're walking on eggs.
Go ahead and say what you think.
If I need telling off
tell me off.
Then we can have our fight
and make up
and love again.
Just us.

Please remember
to call me sometimes
for no reason
except that you feel me thinking
about you,
needing your voice.

Please don't ever lose
that laugh of yours -
it's such a real laugh.
And never change the way
you brush the hair back from my eyes
and smile
when I'm trying to be very serious
or the little odd ways you have
of saying things that make you "you",
one of a kind,
the one I love.

Please
let's not use politeness
and busyness and silence
to avoid our problems
and the places where we hurt.
If something is wrong
let's go after it and make it right.

It's a good feeling
to think of growing older with you,
but, please,
let's not ever grow old.

I want us to always hang on
to the newness
that we have right now.
And let's never be ashamed
of our innocence
of the child within us.
Let's never give up our dreams.

Please don't try to keep it from me
when you're feeling down.
I'll never be able to share your joy
if you try to protect me
from your sadness.

Please
don't ever say never
and please
don't promise me forever.
All I ask
is that you love me
now.

And please know
that I love you more
today
than I ever have before.
I can't promise you forever,
but I can promise you today
with the hope and belief
that there is a beautiful tomorrow
in store for us.

<3 <3

What is love?

"Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is."

So, the question remains. What is love? How do we describe the depths of our hearts in such a meaningful and descriptive way? How do we define the one word that confuses us all?

Paramahansa Yogananda: "To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love."

Love can be defined in many ways. Let's see if any of them come close to the heart:

- a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
- any object of warm affection or devotion
- have a great affection or liking for
- beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
- get pleasure from
- a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction
- be enamored or in love with
- sleep together: have sexual intercourse with
- sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people

I have to admit. They describe the general meaning of love. But they don't get down to the core - the actuality of love. What it really means to people. Love has been the one question that has been unanswered throughout life. Yet it is the reason most of us live, breathe, and die. It is the reason for happiness and sadness. And no one has been able to define it in true, meaningful words.

So what is love -- real, lasting love?

<< Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect. (http://www.love-sessions.com/whatislove.htm) >>

Logic says everything in this world has a cause and an effect. True Love is the only feeling which is its own cause and its own effect. It is something illogical and yet above all logic. I Love her because I Love her, and I Love her so I Love her. - Prateek Kumar Singh

I believe that love itself is a universal experience. Yet, every individual occurrence seems absolutely unique. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently.

So, in turn, everyone describes and feels and experiences love differently. How do we define something so unique, so special to each and every person? Songs, poems, stories, quotes. People express love in many different ways. And every person is touched in different ways by the feelings portrayed in these actions.

I guess what I'm trying to say - what I'm trying to point out to everyone - is that love cannot be defined. It will never be defined to it's full potential. A definition will never do it the glory it deserves. You have to feel it, experience it, and express it in a way that you understand what it means to you. Love must be experienced. Its meaning is infinite and can never be totally defined.

Love has no meaning other than the meaning "we" give it.

Feel it in your heart. Pump it through your veins. Remember love. It's the one thing that gets me through the day. That may be the case for you, too.