There is no point crying over spilt milk...

Why is love so painful at times? And other times, it's like floating on a cloud - it's that comfortable and blissful?

Pain is inevitable when you love. Somehow, someway, either one of you will get hurt. This is the dark side of love. If you love someone enough, there are lots of ways they can hurt you; if they say something mean or offensive, if they do something that you feel is wrong, if they don't love you back... that is the worst kind of hurt in the world. Pain comes with the warning (although, it's not stamped on the foreheads of the ones you'll love), that you might get hurt in the process. There's always some sort of "catch", isn't there?

In my eyes, pain in a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing. Obviously, sometimes, you just want to cry because you're so upset. Sometimes, it's going to be a terrible, horrible thing. You'll want someone else to feel the pain you feel - and you'll want to find ways to transfer that anger, hurt, and emotion somewhere else, so it doesn't roam your mind and body. No problem - everyone feels that way - just be careful how you do it. You'll feel pain, and you'll be hurt.

But listen to this:

“Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.”

Of course, all the things that you do in life will add up to become experiences. And all the pain you go through in life, all of it will be worth it. You'll have learned so many lessons that helped you through other tribulations in your lifetime. You'll be wiser, and more brave. And you'll feel brave too.

Another way to look at the pain in love - a different perspective for the different mind:

“The pain associated with relationships has more to do with fear, than love.”

According to Selfcreation.com, "When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the "add-ons" of love."

"Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.

If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel."

This may be completely off topic: but, I feel like it's something that should be brought up. Something very important about love. This is a little side-story of personal experience.

In my last serious relationship, I was young and I was naiive. And I was also scared of what people thought of me. I think I was too worried that people wouldn't like me for who I really was. So, I was never fully -myself- around my (at the time) boyfriend. It didn't work out, which is not surprising. We didn't mesh well together. Although we were both hurt badly multiple times in the relationship, now I am stronger, and braver, and I learned a lot of experiences from it. I hope he did too.

Later on down the road, I got into another serious relationship - this time knowing all along that the last time, I wasn't fully myself. So, I promised myself that I would be -completely- me for him, and see how it worked out. I was definitely more confident, more brave, and it didn't matter to me if he thought I was a weirdo, because I knew that that's who I am, and I wanted him to like me, for me. Kind of a funny story.

The point to all this was to put out there - and to conclude my blog for the day - and to quote from above: "If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together."

Yet again. The pain you feel, it will all be worth it in the end. And those relationships where pain keeps coming back: perhaps it's not such a good idea to stick around. If you're not being yourself around your significant other, then you -will- get hurt.

There's no point crying over spilt milk. The mistakes you've made in your life, the pain you've felt - it's all for a bigger cause: experience. And once you finally realize that it wasn't all for nothing, you'll be braver, and more confident, and all the wiser. It'll all be a laugh later on down the road.